So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
