If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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