And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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