you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
