I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
