You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
