I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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