You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
