i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
