A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
