Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
