The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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