you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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