Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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