1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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