This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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