Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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