I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
