Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
