It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
