Can Purell be used as lube?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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