who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
