I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
