Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
