Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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