Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
