I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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