i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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