were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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