I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
