Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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