i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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