I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
