my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
