On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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