it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
