i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
