what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
