Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
