So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my poor anus
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
