What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
