I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
