New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize