The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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