yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
