she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
