honey bunches of taint.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
