Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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