Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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