When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
