Where is the hickey?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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