between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
