Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
