I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
