a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
