There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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