That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize