I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
