my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
