Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
