May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
