woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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