So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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